you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
