You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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