I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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