Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dear god my vagina.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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