They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
