Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
