I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
