HIV tests are more positive than that guy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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