So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
