Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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