I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
