Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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