Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
