things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
