My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
