I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am puke
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
