I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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