The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
