Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Found the puke drawer
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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