Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
