she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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