you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
