I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
