I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
