i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
