The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
