And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
