I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
