Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
