The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
