I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
