You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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