Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
