It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
