Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
