Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
