so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my liver is dry heaving
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
