i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
