im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
