Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
