We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
