Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
