she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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