My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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