I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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