people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
