i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
