mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
