I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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