just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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