The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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