She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
